“Make A Personal Big Bang” Brief Summary of Show:
In this episode learn to take inspired action as we ask the questions, “What is a ‘Big Bang’ in your life? Why do you have ‘Big Bangs’ in your life? And Why do you need to change and shake things up, sometimes drastically in your life, and universe?” Hosts Kyle and Christopher tell stories about big bangs that have occurred to them in their life and their work, and how they drastically changed their lives for the better.
Calls to Action:
Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca
Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/
Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/
Change My Life Coaching & Strategic Leader LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/
Change My Life Coaching: https://changemylifecoaching.ca
Strategic Leader: https://strategicleader.ca
The Unexpected Science of Fresh Starts and Failures: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/ritual-and-the-brain/201811/the-unexpected-science-fresh-starts-and-failures
“Make A Personal Big Bang” Transcript:
Unlike you, I’m very careful about what I put in my mouth. You know, so…
Yeah, tell that to the last 15. Anyway, so today.
[Narrator] Is the thought of being imperfect keeping you from taking action. Welcome to Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans. Each week, we give you real life stories, and thought provoking research, that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life, through your own actions. From the heart of Calgary, Canada. Here are your hosts, award winning coaches, Christopher Lawrence, and Kyle Kalloo.
Hello, hello, hello.
Well, I just spent the last half hour, waiting for you to get your shit together.
Are you sure you don’t want to comment?
No, I do not want to comment, cause this is already a big bang.
That’s right. That’s what we’re talking about today, is having your own personal big bang. So that’s what we’re calling this episode, have a personal big bang.
Oh like, what you just had before we went on the air? Like that big bang you had, or no? Is that different?
What are you talking about?
Oh, okay. Let me hear what the big bang is, just in case.
No, what are you talking about?
No, I’m just saying just before we came on, and you had a big bang where you blew up at me, it was a big bang.
I did not blow up at you. I asked you if you were committed to doing this podcast at the time we had said we would start. That was my question, is that a fair question?
That’s a fair question. And which I was, and I just needed five minutes, but we know when you’re ready to do something…
Five minutes! Five minutes, girl. So just so that everybody knows, he says “I just needed five minutes,” just so you know, it’s 20 after 9:00 AM. We record these podcasts at 9:00 AM. It’s 20 after 9:00. He just needed five though. Right? Just five.
In other news. What are we chatting about? Because I don’t think these folks are tuning in to hear domestic.
Well, okay, so this is the thing. Well, they might be. I bet you our followership would go up.
No one wants that.
Just because we’re good friends doesn’t mean we actually like each other. Like, I love you and you are my best friend and you are like the best business partner in the world, but I don’t like you.
Sometimes I feel the same, but unlike you, it’s only sometimes. It’s just periods where I don’t like you. However for you, yeah no, it’s a constant that you clearly hate me, clearly.
Hey, no. Hate is too strong of a word. Dislike. You’re kind of like, that soap gum, it’s kinda like, there’s a moment where it’s kind of tasty, but mostly it’s just like bitter.
No one, no one has soap gum. No one. Who’s eating soap gum?
Yeah. It’s called Thrills. It’s called Thrills. You need to look this up. It’s called Thrills it’s purple. And on the package, it says it still tastes like soap.
Who eats that?
Well, nobody now, it’s gimmicky now, but when we were kids this is what we, we had. You probably had it. It was quite popular.
No. Unlike you I’m very careful about what I put in my mouth. You know, so…
Tell that to the last 15 anyway, so today,
Okay. So I want to talk about this, like, having a personal big bang. Cause in the last week I’ve had this happen with a couple of clients of mine. And, so I was using this metaphor in session about like, you know, it’s like, maybe you’re like Sherlock Holmes and you’re like, but you’re like standing on the precipice of the creation of life. So there’s this big bang that happens in the universe. And then there’s all of this evidence and it’s got no start and no beginning, it just exists. And it evolves and turns into things. But there’s no end, there’s no beginning. It’s just the start of new life. And so I have one client who’s going through this right now with a breakup, another client that’s going through this right now with getting a new job and one who’s going through it with being let go from a job. So, you know, and it’s just a perspective, it’s the perspective that they’re taking on it. And you know, certainly some of it coming through the coaching and that kind of thing, but the perspective, it’s like, yes, there’s this loss that happens. And with all change, there’s a sense of loss, no matter how great the change is, there’s always a sense of loss that comes with that change. And so they’re, you know, they’re going through this thing and I thought, what a great podcast topic, because I think so many people could use a big bang in their own life. This like rattling of their own universe, right. Where it’s like fresh start new life.
Okay. So, and I hear all that and that sounds all beautiful and sounds lovely. And all that jazz.
Oh girl, here it comes. Where the but?
Don’t wait for the but. There is no, but. There’s really no but, I just think, I wonder why do we need these big bangs? Why do we need? And I’m honestly asking. I have an idea, but why do this, this thing has to happen? Why can’t we just be.
Well, I’m actually gonna, I’m gonna to talk about that in a minute here.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
So stop jumping ahead.
Okay. See, this is what happens. We don’t prep these things. Cause we we want it to be organic when we have conversations.
Oh, when you say we don’t prep these things…
No, no. You and I.
I have a list in front of me. That we talked about yesterday. You see what I’m working with people?
I’m saying you and I, as the details. Cause we’re naturally curious, like, we don’t go through the details. We have ideas of what we’re going to talk about, but we don’t go to the details. Like, I’m going to say, the you’re going to say.
Well, I mean if we had started at 9:00 I could have run through this with you, but anyway. You should see his face right now.
You’re this close. You’re this close.
He’s holding up a sign right now that says red zone. I, one day he was like going into the red zone. He was negotiating. Kyle was negotiating with one of the telecom companies here in our country. And we have so few. So take your pick. And they’re all awful to deal with for many, many reasons. And they’re all overpriced. And so anyway, he was negotiating with one of them and his voice went up and the rest of the team is kind of looking at me and I’m looking at them. And I said, “let me fix this.” So I went and printed a big stop sign that said red zone and stuck it on his door. And they knew what to expect.
So they would stay out. So they would know.
Sometimes when he’s going to that red zone with a vendor, he puts that on his door. So he just held up his red zone sign right now. So, so actually, Kyle, I want to ask you, can you recall a big bang in your life? So a time in your life where seemingly things seem to kind of explode like the universe exploded, and while it was like maybe devastating in the moment, although I suspect you wouldn’t perceive it as devastating, but seemingly devastating in the moment, and beautiful life came out of it. I want you to tell me a story about that.
I mean, I think most of those things are probably career stuff for me. I mean, I don’t. Yeah
Let’s talk about your last transition, because, not that we have to, but I’m thinking that that’s, you know, like there was something really cool that happened there. You’re welcome. It was thanks to me.
I’ve been, I think it was the one you were mentioning. I’m not too sure, but you know, I’ve worked, I’ve been working with corporations for a long time, big corporations, like corporations that people envy, corporations that do good work, you know, at one point or the other corporations really. So I’ve been in that game and I’ve been promoted throughout these corporations, many different positions and all that stuff. Meaning in whatever company I was with, I was drinking the Kool-Aid. Before they even knew they had a Kool-Aid I was drinking it. Right? So I’m a corporate guy. I love the corporate branding. I do everything corporate, corporate. And then this guy named Christopher James Lawrence says, why don’t you come and be an entrepreneur and starve and hustle all day and hunt for your food and all that other stuff. And I was like, who wants that? Like, why would I? I want to go in, I swipe in, I swipe out, I have all these other things, you know, and he put it to me in a way by just saying, listen, you work with so many companies. You work with so many other places. And to get to a point where they want you for what you can do, and transform, and all that stuff that you do, and as soon as it gets to that level where they feel, oh, this is good. And this is usually my boss’s bosses or bosses or whatever. Then they’re like, they start stifling me. They don’t want the creativity. They don’t want the innovation anymore. They just want to keep it status quo. And he goes, instead of you working with one company, you have an opportunity to work with businesses who would want that and not feel threatened by you and not feel threatened with anything because that’s what usually was happening. And, oh Lord, was I scared. Was I, what? This hunting for your thing, not having a consistency. Because boo, I had bills. I had things to pay. I need dependability. You know, how I was going to maintain my lifestyle? Right? And I said, you know, what, what do I have to lose at this point? You know? Cause I honestly felt I in my life, whatever I’m at, wherever I’m at, I can create again. If I did it once I could do it again and I could do it again and again. So I thought maybe I should just put my own money where my mouth is, and did exactly that. So got a package out of that job I was in and then said I was going to do this work. And it actually has been amazing.
See that’s the thing, right?
It’s probably the most fulfilled. I have been in any corporations for the longest time.
The big bang moment. I remember. It was December 15th. And essentially you gave your senior leadership team a bit of an ultimatum because there was a…
A bit of a conflict of interest that was taking place in the work you were in.
With another executive.
With another executive and, and you said, “you guys have to make a choice.” So it’s either going to be me or them. Is essentially, you know, I probably not worded that way, but that’s, you know, that’s basically what it was.
We knew both of us were, could not be in the organization together.
That’s right. Yeah. And then you went on a vacation in Mexico City.
I went to Mexico City after.
I know, that’s right. You went to Mexico City right after. It’s so funny because you don’t, it’s your last meeting before you go on vacation, and then you leave for a week. So then the day you got back, they let you go. Well, yeah. They packaged you out as they call it.
Yeah, they called me because it was 10 days I was in Mexico City, and I came back and they said, before you come to the office, can I meet you at this other office. Yeah, the story was, I go and then they let me go You know? Here’s your package. Here’s a conversation. And you know, I said, okay, that’s great. You know, in a very, thank you, I’ll review it and whatever.
Because you were good with whatever, right? You’re like, I’m either going to stay or go, but it’s not staying this way. And it wasn’t content, like there was a really good person that you were dealing with on the other side, it’s just that there was a conflict of interest that put you in a very compromising position. There were some legal things that were involved. So you had to grow. They’re going to want to know the story now, but we won’t, we won’t do that.
And what I thought was interesting though, just to talk about the, even the big, even though you, and I don’t know if you’re going to talk about this, there’s one thing to have a big bang, but there’s also another thing to prepare for your big bang. If I’m catching on what you’re saying, because I did some preparation because when I got that meeting, that final meeting and then they went back and told my team that this has happened. And they said to my team, they said, well, we’ll pack up your stuff. Cause it depends on the organization. You don’t get to pack up your stuff. And they said to my assistant at the time to go pack up my stuff. And then I overheard the person having the conversation, or at least someone else told me the conversation. And they said, “he wasn’t really surprised.” Because just exactly like you said, is like you either or. I knew it can go either way. And they said, “he wasn’t really surprised.” And there’s like, it was done in like 15 minutes. Like there was no questions. There was no, he was good to go. And then when they told my team and when my assistant was going through my desk to pack stuff up, she realized there was nothing there. It was already packed up. It was already gone. Right. So then they’re like, how did he know? Like how did, how was that possible?
So you planned your big bang. I think sometimes that doesn’t happen. So, you know, like I’m thinking in my mind, here’s this opportunity because here’s this guy that, it’s like, I already knew what you could do. We’d worked together in a couple of different capacities. We’d been in a relationship before and I’m just like, I’m like, I already know what this guy can do. So it’s like, I went and had business cards printed with your name and email address, and a phone number saying here, I haven’t spent so much money on this that, you know, I’m, I’m out dollars, but I’d like you to work with me. Right? And he’s like, what are you offering? And I’m like, I’m offering for you to go and build your own business in my business, you know? Yeah, but what are you paying? Nothing.
Hence the scary part folks.
Totally, so from this big bang, right, there was all this growth that kind of came out of your, out of your life, because here you are a number of years later, you’re highly successful. And you work with businesses that want you there, that hire you during the times that they want to make great change in their teams, their organization, to manage risk, to clean things up. As you’ve always said, you’re attracted to chaos. Right? So interesting thing. My story is a little bit different. I have a couple of big bangs in my life, but one of the, one of the big bangs I had was, well, you know, I have two that I was toying with, but I think I’ll tell the darker one. There was, I purchased a condo, it was a conversion condo. So it was once an apartment turned into a condo. And so of course, what we learned after that time is that often conversions are like a lipstick on a pig, right? Where it’s like, they make it look pretty, but they actually haven’t done the work they need to do. So you move in, you end up getting specially assessed and you have to pay like tens of thousands of dollars. So I move into this condo, which I love, it was my first place. I loved this condo, loved the location, loved the lifestyle. And you know, all of a sudden it’s like, something’s not quite right. Like, my balcony is falling off of the building.
Cause you had the only balcony, right, on that? Yeah.
On that side of the building, it was the only one.
Where there was a driveway, where people were driving back and forth.
Yeah, there was a driveway right under it. It’s just like a horrendous, what the actual fucking fuck, you know, situation. And then I’m looking at it and I’m like, you know, “Hmm, something’s funny.” I became president of the condo board and I’m like, you know me, right? I’m like, we need to do it right. This is where we live. And we have a corporate responsibility on the board to be responsible to our residents. And it was a small condo so I mean, everybody was on the board, right? Like it was only seven units. And then we discovered that the roof hadn’t been done and, and there was asbestos in the stucco, which was falling off the building. And they said that they had done the roof and that they had done the stucco, but they had painted the stucco and never did the roof. So, you know, here I am, I’ve dumped $60,000, additional dollars into this condo, you know, and it was like, I’m not poor, but I am not rich. Like I don’t have $60,000 floating around just to throw into a sinking ship. So then, you know, there’s that, and then there’s more coming, and more coming, and more coming. And I’m just like, I spent all my life savings on trying to get it repaired through these special assessments. And I could see what was coming down the pipeline. And I’m like, there’s at least 60,000, maybe another $120,000. That’s going to be owing on this condo. I could have just bought another place. Like, what is the hell? Right? I could have just bought another place. And, and so I gave the keys back, I declared bankruptcy and gave the keys back to the bank. And, and in hindsight, I look at it now, cause that was a number of years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. Right? But in the moment, that was a big bang moment where it’s like things, it was like the universe exploded and it was chaos. And then all of these really beautiful things came out of it. Like, not that I was bad with money before, but oh, I learned how to manage my money so well, you know, and I learned how to put buffer in, and I learned how to make good choices, and I learned how to ask better questions. And, you know, I was able to start this business, despite all of that going on. And, you know, I would say that I feel insanely successful. So I think, I think there’s opportunities in these big bangs and sometimes they’re deliberate, like in your situation. And sometimes they’re forced upon us through things that are out of our control. And I think that so many people right now, you know, there’s a lot of research coming out about this concept called languishing, which we won’t get into today, but go look it up. It’s kind of like the forgotten step sibling of mental health. Languishing is that in between place where we just feel stuck. It can be a precursor to long-term depression and anxiety and that kind of thing. And languishing is a very interesting place and it’s often ignored. And I think so many people are in that place right now, you know, particularly in Canada, which seems to be quite slow at getting its, you know, I think managing our own expectations. You look at first world nations, Canada is extremely behind in terms of vaccinations and opening things up and, and that kind of thing. And so I think that maybe people need to actually start to create their own big bang. They need to use this as an opportunity to literally destroy your own universe and let it, and watch the beautiful life that evolves from this.
And even going back to recognize your big bang, right? Like, cause you most likely someone had it, but I’d be shocked if you hadn’t had one. Right? And I think then this is where you could be reminded of what happened. You made it alive, and then being deliberate about the next big bang, if you can. Exactly what you just said. Right? Is there an opportunity where right now you’re in a moment where it requires a big bang?
Yeah. I totally agree. And you know, I think the great thing about your approach to it is that in that circumstance you had the opportunity of the choice. Right? I think a lot of people don’t have that, but there is something here about it. And so what does science have to say about this? Like actually look at, you know, behavioral science. So there is actually something called the fresh start effect or fresh start framing.
So basically what this is, is it’s a concept where we start fresh and this can be on any goal. You know, it can be like little things or it can be big things. So like, like the start of a new week is a fresh start. The start of a new…
Year is a fresh start. A birthday is a fresh start. A breakup is a fresh start. A new job is a fresh start. Right? And really every new day can be a fresh start. So you can actually kind of explode your world. I’ve done this before. I’m going to explain a couple of quick concepts here. So fresh start framing works best when you aren’t performing well. So for people who are already performing well, starting fresh actually has a really bad effect.
Yeah. I could see that. Yeah.
Right. So it’s like, it’s like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Keep it going. Keep doing what you’re doing. But if you’re having like lots of failures, or you keep falling back in the rut, or it’s like, I’ve done this a number of times when I was writing my book, like how many times did I restart that book? But I was failing at it. Like I was really failing at it. And as we talk about it, it’s like, oh man, I love failure. Like I do. I really love failure, even though it’s hard and it sucks. And I like will gripe through it or cry or sometimes have a meltdown or whatever. I love failure. Right? Although at the time I was writing my book, I didn’t know that. Like, I didn’t, I thought it was, you know, something about me. And it was about me, but it wasn’t about my self worth. And so I think failure is more like, it’s just data. It’s just information. But I didn’t know that at the time. So it’s like, I finally got to a point where I said, I just don’t think I’m that person who’s going to write a book. I’m not that person. Right? I’m not going to write a book. That’s not going to happen. And then all of a sudden it’s like, I just got this like, like this boom epiphany. And I wrote my book and in two three day stints. You know, the first draft, and then it was editing, editing, editing, editing.
And you were, I remember you were power throughing. Right? You’d power through it. We were in the park and you’re like, okay, what about this? What about that? And just…
Yep, yep. That’s right. And, and I remember when you read it, it’s like you got through the first two chapters and you’re like, I can’t believe this was you. I have to remind myself that you wrote this. It was so nice. You know, actually somebody, I talked to somebody yesterday on the phone, and he says, so I did get your book. He called for a strategy session. And he says, “I did get your book.” He says, “so much of it resonates with me.” And I’m like, oh, you know. Cause I look at the book now and I’m like, oh, I changed so much. And it’s like, no, people are still getting use out of it. So, you know, it’s kinda neat. So this is the thing with my book, that fresh start was exactly what had to happen. It was like, start again. Anytime that you go through a period where you have lots of failures. So like, look at somebody, who’s trying to go to the gym, but they’re having like failure after failure after failure. The best thing to do is delete all of your fit, learn from the failures, but then delete the history, you know, from your app, your phone, your journal, whatever. Get a new notebook, Start the app over, whatever it is. And look at it again, because that fresh start, with the learnings from the failures, is actually a great opportunity. Not every failure, but we’re talking consistent failures. And once you’ve learned from the failures, they’re not useful to you anymore. So you don’t need to keep looking at them. But if you’ve got good momentum consistently, do not do the big bang. Don’t fresh start frame it. You know, I look at this with like people quitting their jobs. And the best advice is don’t quit your job until you have another job. And that’s about financial stability. What I would say is look at your circumstance and look at what you value, because sometimes quitting your job without a plan is the best thing for people to do.
Yeah. That was another one. Cause you did that too.
I did. I walked in one day and I said, I can’t do this anymore.
Actually endorsed by my Indian grandmother. And so those who are Desi know, they will never tell you to go quit a job. Nothing lined up.
Yeah, so Kyle’s grandma and I were quite close. And we better not start talking about this cause we’re both gonna like burst into tears here. I miss her. We were trying, I’m to pull myself together. We were quite close. And she was there during some of the worst parts of my time in that job. And there were lots of things that contributed to it. But when I finally quit, she was like, good. Girl, we’re talking like Indian grandmother here, right? Like, like it’s like, no, no, no. Like you quit your, you quit your high paying corporate job that, you had an important title. No, she was more like, screw them.
Yeah. I was shocked. I was like, what? I was like, she said what? Yeah. So, yeah. Anyway. Cause that also was a start of all of this too. Right? Cause you had no idea what it was going to be.
I had one paying client, paying me $50 a month to do some a la carte coaching occasionally. Like that was what I started with, you know. Anyway, so folks today is all about that big bang. Where do you need to have a big bang reset? Where do you need to literally take a step? Or maybe it’s already happened to you, and destroy your universe so that beautiful life can begin to grow. Where do you need to take inspired action? And we want to hear from you. So please reach out, let us know what’s happening for you, where your big bang was, out of your control or where you’re making one in your own life right now and creating it.
And the other thing I would say on top of that too, is, you know, for a lot of these podcasts and stuff, like share them. Think about who else needs to hear the story, because I know, and you and I do this all the time, right? When we come across something like, wow, isn’t this cool. Here you go. Listen to this, read this. And I know we don’t ask enough about that, but share this, right? Cause the feedback we get is always amazing to hear how has helped and created clarity. Don’t keep it to yourself. Don’t keep us your secret. Like, share some of the stuff with people you know, encourage them because you’re also gonna most likely help them get that big bang for themselves.
If its not share worthy, please give us a rating and let us know why.
Yeah. Well actually I don’t want to know. If it’s not share worthy, don’t even bother telling me. To be honest.
No, I want to know. I want to know.
You guys see what I’m working with? Anyway.
I was playing.
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Like five minutes before we started this podcast, you were a really shitty leader. Do you remember?